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Does right and wrong, good and bad matter?
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Correcting Children 9 years 3 months ago #1013

  • radha
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As a mother, when i try to mould my daughter by telling her what is good for her and what is not, I do not try to control her, isn't it? I expect her to conduct herself in a particular way because it is good for her and good on the whole. Do u categorize that also as exercising control over her.

Am i to just let her loose and allow her to do whatever she wants and whichever way she wants and not tell her anything whatever or however she does. Why does guru impose rules in the ashram? is it to exercise control over us or to guide us in the right path for our good?

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Re: Correcting Children 9 years 3 months ago #1015

@Radha
We have to guide over children into the right direction politely making them understand and realize the reason and benefits behind it.

A True Guru always guides his disciples into the right path without any expectations.

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Re: Correcting Children 9 years 2 months ago #1016

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what if the child doesn't like to even be guided. some children are even irritated by guidance even if done politely and gently. does it mean that children need to be guided and left to act in the way they want? is that what non expectation means?

i'm understanding non expectation as something by which we have to let loose everything and everyone and allow everything. am i right?

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Re: Correcting Children 9 years 2 months ago #1017

@Radha

Here as a parent we need to clear about our status and understand the job description.

As a mother - Nurture the child
As a guru/teacher - Guide the child.
As a friend - Play with them
As a brother/sister - Share secrets
As a father - Create good ambience

When we mix these status as being a mother/father when we mould/guide the child, there will always be a confusion. When we are perceiving ourselves as a mother/father we reflect it on the child and child sees us as a mother/father, but when we perceive ourselves as a teacher/guru, the child will see us as a guru. In this way the child understand that the same person can be a mother, father, friend, teacher etc.,

This sounds a bit confusing, but the child helps the parents to realize who they are at different stages. Because children are just reflection of parents.

The effective way which I have experienced with kids is make them to ask questions. When I deal with my daughter when teaching I make myself clear which stage I'm in and then convey it to my daughter and then give instruction. When I'm a teacher I don't give more facts to my child, I ask more questions and make her to ask more questions and understand the fact eventually. By asking questions they start discriminating which is good and bad for them.

When my kid does a mistake instead of punishing/scolding her, I ask her is this a mistake or not? When she stays silent I can see that she understands that she has done a mistake. Then I stop probing more in it, because it will create friction. That is the limit for a teacher.

The more important thing with children is, the teacher/parent need to be clear that their limit is to make the kids understand, the realizing part need to be done only by kid alone.

There is a saying in Tamil. We can take the horse to the lake, but it is up to the horse to drink water.

Letting loose the kids - There is a very slight difference between confidence and carelessness towards kids. From outside we can see the action seems the same, they let the kids loose. But if we see carefully in confidence there is always awareness about the kids, but in carelessness there is no awareness about the kids.

The confidence can be gained by monitoring, not controlling. There should be a sense of monitor be developed in the kids. It starts with a physical monitoring which should be a temporary thing, then that monitoring sense need to be developed inside the kids. This monitoring sense is called awareness. If the kids awareness sense is built, then the parents can be free of worries.

Hope I didn't confuse more. Please feel free to ask questions, so that we all can learn together.

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Re: Correcting Children 9 years 2 months ago #1020

  • Uni5
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Adding to Muthu's comments...
Parents should develop patience. While seeing children stubbornness, they have to reflect on their own stubbornness and change. Then the children magically change.

So while advising children, keep in awareness that we are advising our own inner immature child. This is real parenting. what we cannot do , children also cannot do. But we expect them to do what we cannot do. What adharma in house!

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Re: Correcting Children 9 years 2 months ago #1023

@Radha
As Muthu has very well explained, from my experience too questioning kids is the best way to bring change in them.Kids themselves realize their mistakes and become aware about the consequences of their deeds.They finally act only in the right direction.

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