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Parent Category: Sakthi Pregnancy and Child Care

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Mother Tongue

We think only about the importance of hereditary genes that have been passed from the parents to the child. We don’t understand that the language ‘sound of the mother’ has a profound effect on the child. That is why the term Mother tongue and not father-tongue is in the dictionary. Because, for more than 270 days the child hears the sound of the mother and so the mother's language has so much importance in the child's brain and behavioral development.

Later in the future the studies about twins will prove that one of the twin who speaks the mother tongue has better performance than the other twin who spoke a different language (like in Bollywood movies, situations where after the birth of the twins one twin being separated by a villain).

Mother tongue is very vital for children especially children who are born in foreign countries. Several scientific studies show that bilingual children perform better than mono-lingual children.

In USA and UK, children born to Indian parents have issues with mother tongue in contrast with children born in non-English speaking countries like Arab countries, African, European and South American.  This is because only Indians feel that English is superior than their own Indian language and so they appreciate their children when they speak English in USA or UK accent.

A child like any other adult values appreciation. As soon as the child understands that their parents are appreciating their foreign accent language, the child then eventually refuse to talk in their native language.

Indian parents are not aware of the reality that children identify with culture through language more than any other medium. So there is often conflicts between the parents and children during their teenage. That is the time the Indian parents cannot accept the foreign cultural behavior in their children. Just by giving Indian food and clothing, a child cannot be an Indian. It is the language that makes the Indian culture for that matter any culture of the world.

Pradheep's personal experience of visiting many countries and studying the second generation Indian children, found that in the parents dont feel proud of children speaking Arabic, or Italian or Spanish language. So the children automatically speak mother tongue. In USA and UK the children speak the local English language because, they appreciate the language over the mother tongue.

Will children get confused speaking two languages at young age? Children are smart unlike adults. If adults can talk without mixing languages with their children, then children do not get confused. Children get confused hearing a language spoken with words mixed up from two languages. Instead tell the child about the language being talked.

For example, Pradheep and Priya talked to their son only in Malayalam at home when he was young (born and brought up in USA). He is 13 now and is still fluent in the language. When he was 1.5-2 years old, they told the child that it is now "Tamil time" in the evening for one hour and started talking to the child in Tamil. Now the child is fluent in Tamil also.

Then when he was 3 years old, Priya made a Hindi speaking time every day for one hour and she made sure that she did not mix Tamil and Malayalam but spoke pure Hindi. Now the USA born child is the Hindi translator for his Indian born Dad.

Naturally when the child went to school and came back, started talking in American English accent. Pradheep and Priya did not appreciate it, but kept silent. But whent he child spoke in Indian languages started appreciating it. In few weeks time, the child left talking English at home, understanding that the language is only a means to communicate and not feel anything superior about a language over another.

Will child be not good in English written and spoken language if not speaking at home?
That is not true. Pradheep and Priya’s son who speaks fluently 3 Indian languages is equally good or even better than many single language English speaking children in class. This is a biased thinking of many adults. Pradheep rememebrs that he being born in Kerala and speaking Malayalam at home, scored higher in Tamil writing and reading than the Tamil native children in his class. Not only Pradheep, but also many of such Kerala migrated children at CMS (Coimbatore Malayali Samajam school) scored higher grades in Tamil than the single language speaking native Tamilian class mates.

If children are taught the pattern of language well in childhood (like number patterns), then a child can be good in written and reading in any language. (Click to know about efficiency of using patterns to learn science and math)

Another Personal research: Pradheep's cousins who grew up like him outside of Kerala, in Ooty-Tamil Nadu and Mumbai also had this mother tongue and cultural problems. He and his sister who spoke malayalam at home in Tamil Nadu, used to wonder why his Mumbai and Ooty cousins hated visiting Kerala during summer vacation. Those cousins who did not speak the mother tongue would nag their parents to leave Kerala as soon as possible complaining it was too hot and raining and boring in Kerala.

It’s all in the mother tongue. No matter his cousins in Mumabi and Ooty-Tamil Nadu ate Kerala food, they could not identify their cultural roots. They ended up marring Hindi and Tamil natives (nothing wrong about it, but their parents in old age are very unhappy about it).

Is my child slow in speaking because we speak two different languages?. Reasons for a child not speaking clearly even at age 2 or 3 are due to multiple reasons. In our experience priya used to talk with the child not about just things around, but would talk about her growing up in India and also about the stories connected with relatives friends and also of pradheep's family. Adults talking to children help in quick and strong language development. Now this fact is proved by research (Why talking to kids matters!). Do not think the blabbering and unclear talks of your child is because of being exposed to multi languages. Conversation matters!

We took our child to India when he was just 3 years old only. But we would often tell the child before hand the nature of the journey and all the challenges we would encounter. To our amazement the child did not give any problems in the journey. Many of our friends that time thought we were crazy telling all this to an infant and would arugue how would the child understand. It is basically how we treat the child, the child behaves.

Biased modern educated class: Modern educated Indians both in India and abroad do not have a clear vision in life (except to make money and destroy environment) because they have not imbibed the Bharath culture. Culture is very important to keep our mind cultured to enjoy the wealth of life. Without culture the mind will not allow anybody to have the peace of mind to enjoy the wealth that one makes. Read here about culture for children and adults.

  Modern science is amazingly throwing light on various questions about the mystery of life. But the research is not yet complete and so is the understanding. Unfortunately we take the half knowledge of science as the complete Truth. Latest scientific news throws light on this aspect. That is the reason that we should give importance to Ancient science, which has given all the Truths needed for the modern man. Modern Science "Re-searches", the old scientific Truths. Along with passing our hereditary genes to our children , we should also pass our "Heritage" too.

Read here the importance of Heritage.

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Parent Category: Sakthi Pregnancy and Child Care

Category: Parenting

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Parent Category: Sakthi Pregnancy and Child Care

Category: Parenting

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What to expect while expecting?

Expecting anything from a child after a child is born brings lot of frustrations. A mother can only sow the desires of good qualities during pregnancy. After this programing the child during pregnancy period,  it is difficult to change the nature of the child.

Just to make this clear, we give a simple observation of the ingenious wisdom of farmers in india who do the programing of seeds before sowing Agathi (Sesbania grandiflora) seeds. The leaves are known for its potent medicinal nature but is bitter in taste. But the remarkable thing is that if the needs are soaked in milk for two  days before it is sown, the bitter taste of the Agathi leaves is reduced considerably.

This is similar to programming of child at the pregnancy time. The mother has control over the child only in the pregnancy period because her thoughts has control over the development of the mind of the child. This is like the milk's influence on the bitterness of the Agathi seeds before sowed in the soil. After delivery a child develops an individuality of its own and is molded then by the external environment.

Most of the parents take no care of this internal environment of the child and does all the parenting and disciplining after the child is born. This is like trying to remve the bitterness of the Agathi seeds without the pretreatment before sprouting.

Love,  the intrinsic factor that touches the internal: Once the umbilical cord has been cut, the child is totally an independant person. No more the mother's thoughts influence the child. After this only a mother's and father's Love alone can change the child internal nature. The love we refer here is the unconditional love, which means love the child as the child is without any expectation but allow the child to to fulfill the desires of the child. 

This does not mean that the child should be allowed to do whatever the child likes. Make the child understand the effects of its action (Karma). Make the child experience the effects of Self-discipline and Responsibility.

Self-discipline and Responsibility are the two important aspect that every parent has to be focussed while the child is growing,  along with the internal focus of the parent's own inner child.

Simple Golden law..."Do not do anything to the child, that you do not want others do to you". Love and show to the child that what you are able to do. When parents cannot show responsibility to family and soceity , how can they demand from child the same?.

 Please continue to read "Fundamental facts in Parenting".

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Parent Category: Sakthi Pregnancy and Child Care

Category: Parenting

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Fundamental facts in Parenting

We again stress the importance of parenting that " Parenting is to grow one's own inner child through the external child".

Love is the greatest Energy that can transform a child. It should be given at home and at school.

A child should  feel happy both at home and school, if not in one of these places there is no love. Without love, life  is a saltless dish.

Be clear of the objective about the child (please discuss in this link if you wish to know more).

Dont be hasty in teaching the child.  All we need is to understand that the growing child is trying to connect its internal world with the external world through its five sense organs. Five sense organs are the bridge to the both the worlds. Freedom given in the initial stages (birth to age three, most critical, then to age five the next stage and then to age eight, the third critical stage).

1. Music - Play gentle good soothing music, Indian classical , indian instrumental, bhajans slokas, Beethoven, Mozart, christmas carols (any religious chants in Islam, Buddhism, jainism or Judaism). Sound is the first bridge the child uses to connect to the outer world. Hence the quality of the sound shapes the intelligence of the child. Above all this, mother's lullaby is the most sacred music, given with love. Unfortunately modern children hear less when they grow in day care centers. Mother's lullaby music gives confidence and strength in children.

2. Objects - Touch is the next sense. Again mother's touch is very important. That is magical. Next the baby wants to feel the same mother's love in all objects.  Objects are not toys. All different (variety) sensorial objects are the toys children seek. The child wants to feel through touch shapes, sizes, texture and colors through light and also taste. 

    Do not prevent this experience to children in the early age. Too much of hygenic thought have allowed parents preventing children to taste objects. In olden days, children were given herbal toys (toys made from wood of herbs) and so they get both the benefit. Today we give more lead painted toxic plastic toys. 

Kitchen materials that are safe can be given. Allow the child to look, touch, taste or smell objects that are safe. This is the prmary education that can be given. If the materials given to the child allow them to connect to order then the objects will give fantastic intellectual output and emotional balance  in the child. This was understood by the genius Montesorri who devised sensorial materials to help children even from age one.

Visit the Sakthi School to see how simple things make a big change in the children. Please visit to see how teachers behave as ideal parents helping the growth of children.

Pattern method is the most efficient way ( see the Nobel prize winners Richard Feyhnman's own words http://thenearbypen.blogspot.com/2009/11/feynmans-father.html)

3. Give independance and responsibility: Try not to feed the child, when the child starts to know to put food in its mouth. Food may be spilled. Thats okay. Like the child fell during the first baby steps, allow the child to feed itself. Show the child to clean the area and put things in order. Force, scolding instructions, spanking, beating, threatening the child will not bring good results . This will certainly reduce IQ, and instill fear in the child.  Show unconditional love to the child, which means allow the child to develop naturally. 

4. Play: Allow the child to play as much it needs to. Some children take few years to quench their play thirst. Allow children to play with the five elements of nature in a safe way. 

5. Eating : Try not to feed the child, when the child starts to know to put food in its mouth. Food may be spilled. Thats okay. Like the child fell during the first baby steps, allow the child to feed itself. Show the child to clean the area and put things in order. Allow the child to eat in its own hands and then at a certain age they naturally observe and self use spoon and forks. But in the early stages, allow them to use hands will allow plasticity and dextrity of hands.  Remember Humans evolved when we started to use the hands more than any other animals.

Give them natural food as much possible. See in the infant food section for details.

6. Mother Tongue: Let the child talk the mother tongue and then be exposed to any foreign language. Every language sound has its own sound vibration. The developing brain of the child when grows in the womb is acquanited with the mother's sound and hence has a strong influence on the child's IQ and emotions. All languages are only a means of communication. The child will then respect all languages equally when the parents have this understanding. 

    After the child is comfortable with mother tongue, the child has the ability to pick up even 8 languages at the same time. Very important, is that the parents should not mix up languages while speaking. This will cause confusion in children.

Example we have experience helping a child speak flutently four languages. In four different time periods of the day the child was told that a particular language is spoken and then conveyed. The child at the age of from 2 to 6 picked up all the four languages without any confusion. However if all the four languages were spoken at the same time, and changed without indiciation , the child gets confused.  

Dont praise but appreciate child. Appreciate children for the efforts but not praise and give gifts for the action. Make the child realize that doing the action was reward by itself.

Rewarding in childhood:  Creating and resolving cognitive dissonance can have a powerful impact on students’ motivation for learning.^[22] For example, researchers have used the effort justification paradigm to increase students’ enthusiasm for educational activities by offering no external reward for students’ efforts: preschoolers who completed puzzles with the promise of a reward were less interested in the puzzles later, as compared to preschoolers who were offered no reward in the first place.^[23] The researchers concluded that students who can attribute their work to an external reward stop working in the absence of that reward, while those who are forced to attribute their work to intrinsic motivation came to find the task genuinely enjoyable.

Some good links

Glenn doman Best Parenting  https://www.domaninternational.org/blog

How to manage your children's behaviour, from babies to teenagers

10 Techniques to Shape Children's Behavior

Why is my child worse at home?

 https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/piaget/

http://nancyguberti.com/5-stages-of-human-brain-development/ 

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20803-brains-synaptic-pruning-continues-into-your-20s/

More to come....